How to make a shirt: an interpretation

Step 1: Order an Oliver + S pattern and wait for it to be delivered to your door.

Step 2: Once delivered, open package, gather materials, and start reading the instructions. Read that the pattern is for beginners. Put everything on your sewing table and ignore for two weeks.

Step 3: Get out craft paper and trace pattern onto paper.  Cut out patterns.  Laugh at how easy this will be.

Step 4: Trace patterns onto fabric.  Cut out tracings.  Forget to transfer most marks onto fabric. Go to bed.

Step 5: Begin following instructions.  Understand life and why it exists.  All is well.  Get halfway done.  Go to bed.

Step 6: Begin sleeve construction.  Curse all women in your family for not teaching you how to sew.  Remember that maternal grandmother did try.  Curse yourself for playing with Barbies instead.

Step 7: Text friends.  Hold seam ripper.  Stare at fabric wad.  Go to bed.

Step 8: Continue sleeve construction.  Find sewing forums and beg for help.  Click “refresh” button waiting for answers. Give up.  Go to bed.

Step 9:  Summon up all patience and keep following instructions. Start making up your own version of a shirt.  Begin asking self deep questions about what the essence of a shirt is, really.

Step 10:  Ignore instructions.  Keep sewing.  Eat pizza.  Sew on buttons.  You may feel cracked out but you made a shirt!  High-five self til you fall asleep.


3 responses

  1. Hip hip hooray!!!!!! This is hilarious but the best part about “ignoring a pattern” is that you can call yours an original now!!!:) what do u mean by stencil?

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